she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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