Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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