I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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