My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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