Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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