i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
