break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
