I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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