So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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