I'm laying in your front yard are you home
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
