We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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