im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry my hands just texted you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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