There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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