I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
