Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
