We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
