Its about making memories worth repressing
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
