Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
