I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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