Welp...herpes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
