Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
