Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
