ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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