YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
