Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
