i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
