I think im going to throw up on grandma
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
