On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
