Kiss
Puke
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
