Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
