I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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