Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize