I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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