we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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