We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
