"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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