Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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