some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
