please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
