I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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