It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Im part way to drunk.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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