the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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