I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
