my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
