so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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