That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
