Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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