I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
