He uses pillows to masturbate.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
