There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
