i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
