There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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