Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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