How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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