Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
