their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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