I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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