Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize