Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
