NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
