im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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