i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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