I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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